Pizza + Pete 

alicemurphys:

duhmayo:

baruchobramowitz:

"Hello Professor,

I am doing my best to make this email sound adult. I have rewritten it sixteen, wait… seventeen, times. I am requesting assistance.

Thank you,
Student”

"Student,

ok

-bill”

yo seriously

iPhone user: I'm so excited to get the iPhone 6
Android user: Why do people with iPhones think they're so much better than everyone else
iPhone user: I just like this pho-
Android user: The Samsung Anus5000 had that screen *snort* like 2 years ago! *glomping noise* How are you enjoying 2012 you mindless sheeple?? *uses inhaler to suppress incoming asthma attack*

I need this 

I need this 

176,116 plays

dirkbot:

things they don’t show you in porn:

  • elbowing each other in the face
  • leg cramps
  • queefing
  • accidentally pulling each other’s hair
  • ass pubes

things they also don’t show in porn:

  • sleepy morning sex
  • mutual giggle fits over awkward situations
  • sex fading into cuddles fading into sex and back into cuddles
  • your lover’s o face

so don’t ever compare yourself to porn thank you

30,520 plays

patrickest:

a compilation of brendon mocking ryan’s lyric in Nearly Witches

"I’m pretty sure the answer to that is ‘I am Groot.’"

wtfno:

yes

wtfno:

yes